5 : 07 A.M.
I'M WOUND

Well, Brian's back. He's talking a little 12 steppy, but seems a little more aware of what is up with himself. The problem with that is: every time he has an incremental realization about himself, he thinks that it will solve his every problem. Of course, it's only one thing in a big heap of things which have to eventually be thought through and dealt with on an emotional level. But it is a thing! So of course he still can't pay me the hundreds of days late space rent, but my annoyance at this is ameliorated by the newfound knowledge that I too am guilty of practice space flakitude, for some reason (maybe "Reason" is the wrong word).

Brian's new job is delivering telephone directories, which he wants to do using my car, if his deal with Flexcar does not go through. I'm not thrilled with this contingency plan. What would you expect? "Sure dude, start using my car for delivery, putting thousands of city miles on it, and you with no liability, no way to pay for anything if damage occurs, and you already owe me hundreds of dollars which you didn't so much borrow as steal! Go for it! Awesome!" I told him that (well, the straightforward version of that). He was kind of thinking maybe I needed a job, and we'd both drive around delivering and split the cash. At first this seems thoughtful. But then... why the fck would I ever take a job delivering phone books for a quarter each? Maybe if I fell down the stairwell and broke my head and was rendered painfully stupid. (all my pride leaking out of my skull) Who would expect me to want such a job? It's like offering me a chance to telemarket shit. Times are tough, sure, but I'm not 16 anymore.

I felt sad when he was explaining this plan to me. ("not again.") I always wonder why he doesn't get a legit job where you don't have to give a shit about what you're doing and you can count on having work tomorrow.

As for the band - I'm going to keep writing and recording with Kris. If things change, it might be time to reevaluate which projects I want to work on. But with just Kris, it's going so damn smooth I don't really want to fcuk things up by paying attention to marketing or shmoozing or any of those things that you don't have to care about until you've got more at stake than thursday and tuesday night. I'm having a really good time. I don't need to add anyone to the mix who's gonna be uptight about unimportant details. ("yet")

(,;:-"''"-**)!!!!!!!.....!.