Oct 10 ,1997                               
UNPAUSE
  XHEAD
2:18 am
    --- It's actually early morning, the tenth. Nearing the end of my day. I got a lot done today. I cleaned my room, washed clothes, called the collection agency that has been bugging Ed about the rent on the Portland apartment, made an appointment to go pay them back tomorrow, took out a huge sum of cash to do it with, made plans to exchange the 303 on Saturday, and trimmed my beard. And, I decided to start doing all those things I don't do. Drink and smoke and eating caffeine and chocolate and junk food and soda. While I'm getting things done, I feel like I can let myself have those things. Thank you Mom, you've hard wired this self-disciplinary routine into me. Bad thing is, it doesn't work very well. I went without many things rather than just doing whatever it was I was supposed to do. I was a bbs addict before there was a yahoo.com, and she took away my computer in order to get me to clean my room, and I just let it go.

    In my later years, I would steal the computer back, though. No discipline there. Just Andrew logging into Muskrat's Den, or Twilight Zone, or GEnie. Gad, I spent so much money on Federation II.

    I haven't gotten around to drinking caffeine or eating chocolate yet, but I can if I want to. Yeah, that's it. Ha ha ha! I'm totally convinced that I consciously made that decision. hee hee ho ho ho ha ha

    Woooo. No really! Even now I'm trying to talk myself into it. Maybe I'm right, and I really did decide that. I wouldn't be able to tell, I'm the one fooling myself! whee!

  I Babble
    --- Yeah, sometimes I don't seem to make any sense at all. I really am talking about something. I know what I mean. I don't know why I'm saying it out loud. I really hope someone else might know what I mean, though you'd have to be almost psychic to figure it out. More, you'd have to already think like me. (I don't know what I think 'like'.) (One thing I do know, I really like to pretend that I am in complete control of myself.) (I wish there was such a thing as complete control. That would be cool.)

    To quote Scud. "It doesn't matter to me. Being a robot is cool."

    I think I'll go cry and be insecure for a while.

    What's it like, having all your friends hate your mom? - Julie

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10-8-97 Oct 10-10-97
©copyright 1997 Andrew Denyes. Opinions expressed are mine. Everything else is true.